tangent

I had a friend in Walgreens named Bill. he worked at the store three blocks from my house, and when I had insomnia I'd go hang out with him. we'd talk for hours, smoking and rambling and straightening.

he stopped talking to me after I cut myself up. he was a trainwreck who made me feel okay and normal until he saw how badly I hurt myself and suddenly I wasn't worth his time, his effort, his emotions. to be so badly rejected when I clearly needed a friend broke me up badly enough to seek psychiatric help. it was the worst mistake of my life, and because of some clinical aide's overreaction I was almost Baker Acted, where Florida decides that you can't take care of yourself and locks you up with the drug addicts and the vagrants.

his girlfriend was an absolute bitch, and she broke his heart all the time. I hated her, and I loved him. I brought coffee for him once and she had a bitch fit because she showed up when I was there. he didn't tell her that we went out for coffee at three a.m. the night before, and that I was just reciprocating the gesture.

yesterday he added me on MySpace. no signs of that ever-so-important girl of his. 'still believing in forever' and beautiful and naive things that I can no longer stand in my jaded, otherside views, in spite of my husband and inuterine alien.

so I'm angry that he's trying to come back into my life, and I'm angry that he and so many others didn't think I was worth the time, the effort to love and cherish. but that's okay, because I have better. I can say that Travis iss the best man I've ever met. he is proof that a fuck-up like me can be loved unconditionally. and he appreciates that I love him like I tried to love so many. and I wouldn't give that up.

on that note, I need Norbert to GIVE ME MY HIGH SCHOOL RING BACK. if she doesn't have the decency to respond to my repeated attempts at contact, she obviously isn't worth the love symbolized by that ring.